Blood Drops: a Collection of Drabbles
by Rui
Summary: My collection of Hellsing 100 word stories. Most of them are funny and all of them approved by other Hellsing fans! Enjoy!
1. Tictac Anyone?

**Blood Drops**

Tic-tac Anyone?

* * *

Disclaimer: Hellsing and co. do not belong to me.

Author's note: This is not my fault. This is written purely in fun and in jest, no flames because I prefer not be be flameboiled. ;) Enjoy! OH right, and these is a collection of drabbles. Beware! I'm on a sugar rush!

* * *

Alucard left Sir Integra's office with a wider grin than normal while she cursed vampires for all she was worth. It wasn't until he saw Seras Victoria, hunched over slightly with one hand hovering over her mouth and nose, that he stopped.

"Police girl, what are you doing?"

She glanced at her master with a perplexed face. "Master, do I have bad breath?"

His eyebrows rose. "Does it matter?"

"I'd rather have the people pass out from fright than old blood breath."

Alucard, seeing her sincerity, broke out into his dark chuckle as he walked away.

"Master! I'm serious!"


	2. Going

**Blood Drops**

Going

* * *

Having crossed and uncrossed her legs for what felt like the thousandth time, Integra still squirmed restlessly in discomfort on her seat.

An hour to go, she could make it!

She thought about a dry, scorching desert. But when an oasis popped in her head with a fast flowing waterfall, she jumped to her feet.

At her sudden action, the entire assembly got quiet and focused on the Hellsing heir.

Without a word she hurried her way out of the room. Confusion abounded until the distinct sound of a relieved sigh and toilet flushing filled the silence.

Somewhere, Alucard chuckled.


	3. Hang Up

**Blood Drops**

Hang up

* * *

Seras stared at the top of her coffin.

This can't be happening, she thought, closing her eyes again.

But there it was again, that annoying sound. Normally she considered herself an even-tempered type being, but going without food and sleep for almost three nights in a row everything was starting to eat at her nerves.

When she could no longer take it, Seras grabbed the phone and sharply answered it. No voice, just a dial tone. With a growl, she checked the caller ID.

"Master?" Seras huffed.

Yes, police girl?

"Where did Sir Intergra learn the art of prank calling?"


	4. Late Night Cable

**Blood Drops**

Late Night Cable

* * *

"A bread maker." Sir Integra raised a single eyebrow.

Alucard pointed towards Seras.

"The Miracle Bikini Hair Removal System?"

Seras nodded at Alucard.

"The," Integra cleared her throat, "Hunka-Hunka Burning Love Elvis CD?"

Seras looked down at her feet. "It was going to be a gift for you."

Sighing, the woman leaned back. "No more."

"But they made it sound so good," Seras whined.

"No. More."

The vampires gave their consent and left dejectedly.

Glancing over at Walter, the blonde sighed. "Didn't I tell you it would be bad to put cable into their rooms? Vampires addicted to infomercials…"


	5. Thump, Thump

**Blood Drops**

Thump, Thump

* * *

_Thump, thump, BANG_

"Stop hitting me!" Integra barked loudly. Seras, who was reading in the library underneath the main office, cringed. _They sure are noisy_, with that, she left to find out why. Her master had gone to Sir Integra's office every night for the past two weeks and left amused while the woman appeared sweaty and tired.

Stomp, stomp, bang, thump, bang, stomp.

She made her way up the steps and to the main office's door.

Thump, thump, thump, "Damn it!"

Walter sighed behind Seras, making her jump. "She's been getting worse since her DDR pads came in…"


	6. Jack of All Trades

**Blood Drops**

Jack of All Trades

* * *

"It doesn't go _there_." Seras grabbed a hold of Alucard's hand to guide it to the correct spot.

"I have a bit more knowledge than you in this area, police girl."

"…but that's not where you put it!"

"Stick the male part into the female part. It is not complicated."

"But, master, you aren't doing it right."

"I've done this for my Master plenty of times…"

"They look similar but they work differently."

Alucard looked up at her as she pouted and crossed her arms. "I'm not going to miss another Buffy episode because you can't hook up a VCR."


	7. Name Calling

**Blood Drops**

Name Calling

* * *

"Can I call you Pookey?" Seras asked sweetly.

"No." Alucard replied sternly.

"But it's cute."

"I'm not cute."

"According to who?" Seras asked genuinely. Alucard didn't find her comment worthy of an answer. "What about Ruby?"

"Call me, Master."

"But it's so--so common." She chewed on her lip. "What about Little Red Flying Hat?"

He gave her a slightly annoyed look. "Call me Master, Police Girl."

"What about Red-Man?"

"Master."

"Fangs?"

"Master."

"What about bat-babe?"

Seras carried on with the ridiculous list of names as Alucard reminded himself never to have her feed off the intoxicated ever again.


	8. July?

**Blood Drops**

July...?

* * *

Seras looked at the anime, _Trigun_, and then back at her master. There was a great deal about her master she did not know and because of the striking similarities between Alucard and Vash, she made a list.

Red trench coat.

Odd behavior.

Very tall.

Likes to be dominated by bossy, stuck up women.

And they both had a bull's eye every time aim.

Glancing over at her master, she raised a skeptical eyebrow. Could there be something he wasn't telling her? There was only one way to find out.

"Master, have you ever heard of a city named July..?"


	9. Handling Alucard

**Blood Drops**

Handling Alucard

* * *

Integra knew she was going to need more aspirin after this meeting with her misbehaving vampire. "Why did you kill him?"

"I didn't appreciate the way he--handled me."

"It is his job to---"

"Was his job," the master vampire ran his tongue over his fangs as if to remind her.

Integra sighed deeply, "It was his job. I'm sure he did nothing improper and you didn't have to kill him."

"Consider it as if he just joined the food chain." Alucard grinned, "And he drifted too high up."

"He's a tailor, how else was he suppose to measure your inseam?"


	10. Beach Side

**Blood Drops**

Beach Side

* * *

Seras felt a pit of depression in her heart as she watched the troops load up into busses for their annual weekend vacation on the coast. Sir Integra watched with her in silence as the troops disappeared.

"Why can't I go with them?" Seras pouted.

"Sunlight is bad for vampires," the blonde answered.

"We could swim at night."

"You don't want to see Alucard in a bathing suit."

Seras turned, "He's just as pale as me."

"May be, but I know you don't have a gut like he does nor do you wish to see him in a speedo."


	11. Comparison

**Blood Drops**

Comparrison

* * *

Seras's red eyes never left the television as _Interview with a Vampire_ played on the screen. Alucard, who came in towards the end of the movie, watched in slight amusement at the actors tired too hard to pin down the true vampiric nature. When it was finished, the fledgling vampire sighed with contentment.

Then, as she looked at her master, a question came to her mind. Tipping her head slightly she asked, "Master, why aren't you like that?"

"Like what, police girl? A blonde?" Alucard's grin grew into a distorted smug smirk.

"No," Seras answered, rolling her eyes. "Handsome."


	12. Hit Me, Baby

**Blood Drops**

Hit Me, Baby!

* * *

She grabbed her hairbrush, stared at the mirror's reflection and listened as the opening beats led up to the lyrics. Standing in nothing but a borrowed button down shirt, she started to dance around her bedroom in her socks. The hairbrush turned into a microphone in her hands as she sung along with _Hit Me Baby One More Time_.

She slid across her table, knocking things off as she went. The music was so loud she never heard the knock. She was completely oblivious to his presence as she started head banging and he squeaked her name.

"Sir Integra?"


	13. Q & A

**Blood Drops**

Q & A

* * *

Alucard had seen many things that would make another's blood run cold and he only laughed at it. But the woman standing in front of him, coolly staring at him, had his undead heart screaming with fear.

"Answer me, vampire." Integra commanded.

Alucard remained silent.

"Give me an honest answer."

"Master…"

"Answer. Me."

The master vampire swallowed. Hard.

The blond circled again. "Answer the question."

"Master, if wish to punish me, do it in some other way."

"This isn't torture, Alucard. Give me an answer because if you don't…" She trailed off, glaring.

"Yes, the dress makes you look fat."


	14. The Hidden Truth

**Blood Drops**

The Hidden Truth

* * *

Sir Integra watched the sun rise, completely thrilled the night was finally over.

Locking her door to assure that neither the living or undead would see what she was about to do. Slowly, she took off her shirt and suit. Checking for hidden eyes, she slowly undid the hooks of her last article of clothing.

Each hook she undid cause a little more flesh to jiggle free. Soon she was free and able to breathe without anything restricting and holding her extra, round flesh back.

This was the moment she lived for everyday!

Throwing her girdle aside, Integra sighed contently.


	15. Coconuts

**Blood Drops**

Coconuts

Dedicated to my roommate and housemate who spawned this idea with their conversation of coconut bikinis and exotic places. .;;

* * *

Seras should have been thrilled!

Integra agreed to finance a trip to Hawaii for Walter, the vampires, and herself. After the first bonfire and convincing the woman to dress in the clichéd grass skirt and coconut bikini, Seras found herself dressed in the same way and depressed.

She looked over to where the blonde smoked a cigar and sunk even further into her miserable state.

"Why are you so upset, Police girl?" Alucard asked, amused at his fledgling's pouting.

Through watery eyes, Seras sniffled and looked up at her Master before blurting out, "Integra's coconuts are bigger than mine!"


	16. Pookey

**Blood Drops**

Pookey

* * *

Walter knew better than to question the things found in bedrooms. It was the one room that was most sacred to anyone. It was their sanctuary of secrets that should never be invaded without consent and without caution.

So when he cleaned out Alucard's coffin, he knew better than to mention the vampire's secret.

Opening the lid, vacuum in hand, to perform his nightly chore of cleaning the bed. The vampire warned him long ago to never tell or he'd suffer.

Walter smirked, shutting the lid.

Who would believe the mighty vampire Alucard slept with a teddy bear?


	17. Art's Sake

**Blood Drops**

Art's Sake

Dedicated to me ;) and my fellow artist, Sir D.

* * *

"You'll never grow as an artist, Seras," the German art instructor, whom Integra hired to silence the fledging vampire's pleas, commented coolly to the girl. 

As he walked around to where Alucard stood, painting in red and black, the art teacher tsked his tongue. "Maybe you should get a style before you try to paint."

"You don't like it?" Alucard questioned, his grin flattening.

"Not at all, it has nothing there worth mentioning." He stepped back, "It's too pale, no color. Very bad."

"Do you know what I call someone who insults a vampire's artwork?"

"What?" The man questioned.

"Dinner."


	18. Sold Out

**Blood Drops**

Sold Out

* * *

"SOLD OUT" the sign read.

Seras' eyes ticked in irritation.

She had _not_ just waited for five hours in the long line waiting for tickets to be turned down now. She tapped the end of her nail on the glass till the nerdy, pimple faced ticket vendor turned around. "Yes ma'am?"

"I want in." Her voice was deadly.

"Sorry. Sold. Out." He stated smugly. "See the sign?"

She gritted her teeth as she stared at him, "See this hand? It's about to reach through the glass and strangle you if you tell me I can't see Episode III _tonight_."

* * *

Dedicated to my fiance who I'm sure will be acting much the same way if not promptly let into the theaters when the new Star Wars movie comes out in May.


	19. Sparkle a Little

**Sparkle a Little**

* * *

Seras backed away; fear crept into her eyes as she watched her Master.

He wasn't speaking, moving, or even smiling his taunting, insane grin he wore as religiously as his red coat. Calculating the distance from where he was rooted to the door, she sadly acknowledged she had as much of a chance of escaping as a limp mouse did from a feral cat.

"It's—what's popular," the redhead squeaked, edging toward the door subconsciously.

Alucard's eyebrow twitched as he stared down at his coat, now covered with aerosol projected glitter, and growled out threateningly, "_Real_ vampires do. Not. Sparkle."


End file.
